The first time I said 'no' at work
The power of self advocacy
This quote from Cerise Lim Jacobs, a former federal prosecutor turned opera activist, stuck with me. The truth is, I had to learn that lesson the hard way—many years ago, early in my career.
I was over seven-and-a-half months pregnant with my second child, in my first real corporate job after leaving my dance career. Our oldest son was only 15 months old at the time. I felt this intense need to prove that I could succeed in a business environment—especially since none of the other Associate Brand Managers had kids. I felt the pressure—spoken and unspoken—to push through, to never ask for special treatment, to show I could handle anything.
But when my manager told me I needed to fly across the country for a business meeting, I hesitated. I didn’t feel safe flying that late in my pregnancy. I voiced my concern, but she brushed it off: “When I was 8 months pregnant, I flew to multiple customer meetings.”
I froze. I wanted to be seen as committed. But I also knew what felt right for me. With a nervous knot in my stomach, I took a deep breath and said:“I’m not comfortable doing that.”
She was angry at first. I was trembling. But I stood by my decision. And in that moment, I realized that advocating for yourself isn’t weakness—it’s wisdom.
That moment changed the way I show up at work.
Here are a few things I’ve learned about self-advocacy since then:
Pause before you push through. When something doesn’t feel right, don’t ignore that voice. It’s easy to slip into people-pleasing mode or say yes automatically, especially when we’re trying to prove ourselves. But it’s okay to pause and ask: What do I actually need here?
You don’t have to justify your ‘no.’ I’ve learned that you don’t need a long explanation. A calm, clear response like “I’m not comfortable with that” can be enough. It might not make everyone happy—but when we speak up, we make our values visible.
Speaking up helps others do the same. That experience showed me how important it is to model self-advocacy—especially for other working moms who might feel the same pressure I once did. Sometimes leadership looks like taking the risk to say no, and giving others courage to do the same.
Where can you use your voice to make a difference—for yourself or someone else?
Let me know your thoughts!
P.S. If you missed Cerise’s full interview in Episode 9, Facing Fear and Finding Your Voice, it’s one of my favorites.
Until next time, keep dancing!
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